The nightmare of bad people

It was a little unclear the whole rape thing to me after the electric shock torture. When I was nine years old I everything came up to my mind and I found the words to say it face to face to my father. I said: I'll tell mum what happened to me, just to know, hearing a depressed woman in TV talking about her life. Suddenly, I was logic again and all set on rail in peace. I said: "Mum..." and my father said wait to me: "I'll leave tomorrow, please let me stay today here and not to the streets.", my mother asked: "What are you talking about?" and he said: "Oh, nothing my son just wants to sleep with me." and she said: 'OK!'. That night my father raped me while I was sleeping and the next morning raped me again in the bathroom, telling me that :''I'll rape you how many times you remember it". He raped me again after few days and I couldn't speak, it was physically impossible for a while, and I remember I was trying to communicate with my mother with signs. After some days or months my brother threat me to rape me from the ass, as he said. I burst into tears and I told them what father has done to me. They told that if I was serious they'll lose money from him and they can't go to clubs. So, they tried to persuade me and give me threats and fake responsibilities. And I was shocked and very sad about it. After some days also, I had told my mum twice about my rape and she told me that a father doesn't do that to a son. But the second time I said it publicly and the majority of the women and some men in the neighborhood knew about it. They didn't talked because as I know from their discussions they were affraid of telling anything that will cost money and the peace in their "life''. All these were when I was 9 years old.

When I was 2-4 years old two incidents were happened. When my mother was pregnant, I told her that I was raping without to say the word rape, but in other words. I think I said he put his penis in my ass. Then my mother said to my father what we are gonna do? He said I don't know, let's call him here and he told him to come to our house alone, end of call. I remember my father telling him to bring a pill, trying to describe the situation in other words. And my father try to talk again, but I interrupted both saying that he knew and he had negotiated with my grandfather to hide it from you. My mum recall all the little chats between them and their secret agreements (they generally didn't like each other) and said "Now all make sense". When grandfather arrived home quite pale and fearfully disoriented walked into our house confronting my mother's questions, making clear the she'll go to police even if she must to go alone with the kids. My grandfather probably didn't know that my mum, his daughter, was pregnant. He tried to calm her and then grabbed her beating her, because he had found difficult to give her a pill. Inside the room I tried to walk to her but they took me away. He had given to her a pill and she miscarried the baby. This last fact didn't announce it to my grandmum until 3 days were passed. The whole time my mum was in bed giving her pills and a doctor's prescription. Everyone except my dad had made clear that I was responsible for what happened to her.

The second incident took place in my rapist grandfather home at the same period with the first one. He took me inside a room and told me to show my butt. I reclined on the bed without to understand anything about his desires and I turned on my belly. Then he said, that's it now lower your pants. I lowered my pants in the middle and he had put his hand inside his pants. Suddenly my grandmother walked in and he took his hand out, but she understood what was going on. I think I was 2 or 3 years old. She said "it's only 2 years old, what are you doing? I am too old to make my life again. That's why you didn't want to marry me? I remember one time I catch you trying to put your penis inside him when he was a baby months old. But I fooled myself and I trusted you; not this time." My grandfather grabbed her and gave her a pill and she fainted. I saw my granddad carrying her and he placed her body to bed to sleep. He looked at me and told me let's go to the park to play. I asked why and he told me that's how I forget this incident. I had described to my mother what happened but she didn't believe me.

This nightmare includes some more things about these people, which are reflected to every other bad person on earth. The one of them is this joyful perception of life as a constant game can lead to oblivion and my grandfather truly believed it. He also tried with my father to initiate me into this by force. The other one is the headmaster's perception about the victims. The headmaster believes that responsibilities like school and other one's inside the family characters can play a vital role to oppress any man, especially the victims. Both, the headmaster with my father, tried to brainwash me in that way. The third one was about my father's perception which is that television, songs or just myself can damage me and he was providing atheism to me especially telling me that technology is the god or other times he is the god and I must do whatever he says. I personally didn't buy it at all, because I wasn't a kid who his belief is determined by them, but it disturbed me and no one cared to stop him. At last of these nightmares was the secretary who believed that drugs are the power to control people and ethics. This last point of view was shared amongst them all.